| Do Not Become an Enabler When You Live With an Alcoholic |
Do Not Become an Enabler When You Live With an Alcoholic
Enabling an alcoholic to drink, lie or make excuses is not the way to live with an alcoholic. You then become the enabler and make it easy for the alcoholic to drink and hide the things that they should not be doing. You are the one that helps them hide their drinking from others and this gives them complete power over you. If you make it easy for them, you are just hurting them and yourself. If you do not enable them, they have to make the choices that they do. If they are drinking and being unruly, you cannot allow it or live with it.
Do not make it easier for the alcoholic to drink. If you accept the way you live and make excuses for it, you are just going to make things worst. You cannot accept the way things are or want to live that way. You cannot change the alcoholic without them receiving help, but you can make it harder for them to drink and get away with the things that they do. You have to take control of some things, but the person with the problem must be held accountable for their actions.
If you drink, you have to use good judgment when you keep alcohol in the home. If you live with an alcoholic and even if you only drink occasionally, you should not keep alcohol in the home. For one thing, it will disappear and only supply the drinker with more alcohol. It is best to keep all alcohol out of the house. If you want a refreshing drink now and then, you might consider non-alcoholic drinks, which will not be enticing to the alcoholic. You need to police the house when you live with an alcoholic.
Making up stories as to why he or she is drinking does not help anyone including the drinker. If you make excuses and do not let anyone know what is happening, if something would happen, you will have a hard time getting anyone to believe you. You cannot become an enabler for many reasons, but this is a big one. If you are abused or the alcoholic would fall and hurt him or herself, you do not want to be the blame. You have to make them accountable for their own actions and not make any excuses for them.
Urging the alcoholic to have a drink when they are not drinking is not the answer. There are actually some people that do this because they know that the person will eventually pass out and the house will be peaceful. This is not the answer. If the person is not drinking, you should never encourage it. They need to dry out from time to time and this is why they are not drinking. Never offer to buy then alcohol to help them unwind or calm down. They need to learn how to this without alcohol.
Keep the monthly budget instead of giving that job to the alcoholic. If you leave the money to a drinker, chances are that you will have unpaid bills and no money for food on the table, which will make them angry. You should control the money and give them what is left over. They may not agree with this, but you have to insist that you do this to protect your finances. An alcoholic can spend more on alcohol a month then what they have to spend if you let them.
Do not turn your back on the problem. You cannot make excuses or allow the person to use you as a way to hide their problem. You must take steps to make sure that there is not a lot of extra money to drink, but that there is enough money for bills and food. If you work, you should have your own checking account so that you have money in the event the alcoholic in your life takes al of the money he made to drink.
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